Chapter 20

She knew it was wrong, you don't start an affair with your employer, Nanny 101 teaches you that much.  She hadn't intended for it to ever go where it had, she hadn't meant to fall in love with him.  Nothing prepared her for that morning when he threw her out of his house.

Maybe throw was too harsh of a word, but he couldn't get rid of her quick enough.  In the weeks and months she spent with the family, she saw Elijah hiding away, afraid of life, afraid of the pain, shutting himself off from the world, from his son.  Her only intention had been to bring him back to his son, for Blake.  The boy needed his dad, and she had talked enough to Blake's grandpa to know that Elijah needed his son.  Now she had spoiled it all, who knows what kind of damage she had done to Blake putting herself in a situation that had to end like this.

 Now here she was, out of work and humiliated.  She seriously doubted she could get a decent reference from Elijah now, nor did she feel she deserved it.  Paris didn't know what she was going to do, but whatever it was, she better get on it, her savings wouldn't last long.
In the end being a nanny was what she knew best, so she started her own daycare.  She used the last of her savings to buy a small two bedroom house and furnish it as a play haven for the children she would care for.

It was two months later when she received the final blow from her affair, she was pregnant.  She knew immediately who the father was of course, and she also knew she would never tell him. There was little she could do, so she continued on, as she battled morning sickness and fatigued she somehow muddled through each day caring for her little charges.

He didn't know anymore what he was doing.  He couldn't quit thinking of her, couldn't seem to focus on anything.  He could handle his son well enough on his own now, but somehow their life seemed incomplete, the house empty.

His sister had told him about the new Daycare in town, said she had heard it was getting glowing reports, children were well cared for, happy, and the lady in charge of it all seemed to really care about each child she accepted.

He knew he needed just a bit of quiet time, and so he decided to try it out.  He really hated leaving Blake with a stranger, but he was weeks behind on his latest book and the publisher was calling daily wanting to know when it would be finished. As he stood outside the modest home where he was prepared to leave his son for the day, he soothed his conscience by telling himself it was just temporary, until the book was finished.

Nothing could have prepared him for seeing her, he should have known, somehow, he should have made the connection, new daycare, fabulous caregiver, who else could it have been, but still he was dumbfounded when she answered the door.

 It wasn't until she had turned to let him in that he noticed the bump, she was pregnant!
He left Blake with her, he was too shocked to do anything else and went home, but he got little writing done that day.  When was she going to tell him?  Was she planning on ever telling him?  He had a right to know if she was pregnant with his baby!  Whose to say it was his though, maybe she had other men.

As soon as the thought came in his head he knew it was wrong, she just wasn't like that.  He didn't know what to do, he knew what he wanted to do, but could he, would she even consider it after the way he treated her?

She felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, she wasn't sure how she was suppose to carry on with her day, everything around her had grown darker.  How could he have that affect on her still, after all he had put her through!  She tried to shake it off and carry on, but the rest of the day was a bust, she just couldn't get back in the game, couldn't focus on anything.  How was she going to face him when he picked Blake up?

It turned out she needn't have worried about it, he sent over a relative to pick up Blake it was all very professional and impersonal, and left her feeling chilled.  She didn't get much sleep that night,  her dreams haunted by images of Elijah and Blake, images that she had no right to even dream of.

Elijah didn't return with Blake and soon routine set in and she was able to breath and even live a bit.  She was nine months pregnant when the phone call came.  "  Please don't hang up, I know I have no right to ever talk to you again Paris, I know what happened, what I did, it was wrong.  I want to make this all right, can we just talk? Please, Paris, I made a mistake."

She wasn't sure what to say, for weeks she had dreamed of this, and now it was happening, and she didn't know how she felt. " I don't know Elijah, you were never suppose to find out, what we did, it was a mistake. I don't want anything from you."  Except your never ending love, she thought in the back of her mind.  " Paris, please just meet me for dinner so we can talk, and then if you want me to leave you alone, I can respect that, I won't like it, but I can respect it."

She wasn't strong enough to say no twice to him, "Meet me at the Cafe on the corner of Main street, Saturday at 3?"  Afternoon was good, it wasn't romantic, it was casual she thought, and since it was only Monday, it gave her a few days to gather her thoughts before she had to face him. " I'll be there Paris, and I'm sorry, for everything."

She stood in her kitchen with the phone in her head, the dial tone had long since changed to a busy signal.
This can't be happening, this can't be real, played a continuous loop in her head.  A ripping pain through her midsection pulled her out of her dreams, doubling her over in agony.

Elijah waited at the Cafe until the sun had long set, and the last of the patrons had left.  "Sir, we are closing, I'm really sorry."  He knew he shouldn't have expected it, he didn't deserve her, but still the sting of being stood up burned in his heart.  Head hung low he began to make his way home.

He didn't know how he ended up outside her house, he had drove around town until the sun began rising again and somehow his bike had brought him there without his knowledge, he noticed the windows were all dark.  "I should go home,"  maybe saying out loud would be enough to stop his feet from taking him up the walkway,

 "She doesn't want to see me."  Still it wasn't enough to stop him from knocking on her door.  "She's sleeping, I should just leave."

As he turned to go a taxi pulled up to the curb and he watched her carefully getting out. " Elijah? What are you doing here?  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stand you up,  I started having contractions and,"  Elijah slowly took in what he was seeing, she had the baby, his baby was there in her arms.

"It's a boy, I had a boy, his name is Dawson, I hope you like the name, but I guess it probably doesn't matter if you don't like it, I mean you don't ever have to see him again."  She babbled on as she walked up to the house and into the nursery, continued without taking a breath as she laid the baby in a crib.

She turned around he grabbed her and pulled her too him, pressing his lips against hers, not gently, but not rough, firm and purposeful, slowly claiming her mouth with his.  " Paris, would you just shut up for a minute.  Since I met you, you have been pushing things the way you think they ought to be, but not this time, this time, things are going to go the way I want them.  I love you Paris, I loved you before that night, I knew it then, and I know it now.  I threw you away because I was scared of losing you, I thought it would be easier, but I was wrong.  Please come home with me and Blake, he should be with his little brother, and you should be with me."

She fainted, he had never pegged her for a fainter, but that is exactly what she did, and he saw his chance.

When she came too she was tucked safely in his bed, their son nestled in a bassinet next to her.