Chapter 21

She woke up dazed and a bit confused, but as everything came into focus she realized where she was, this couldn't be happening!  "What is going on Elijah? Why am I here?"

 Elijah looked down at her and smiled, "Because we are getting married and here is where you belong!"  She jumped out of bed and almost collapsed as the room began to spin, "You're crazy, you kicked me out Elijah, you threw me out because we slept together, and now, now what, because you want to do right by your son you are throwing me a bone?"

Elijah walked over and swept Paris into his arms, "No Paris, we are getting married because I love you and don't want to spend another day without you here, and I think you feel the same way.  These months without you have been hell for everyone in this house, you belong here Paris.  I was scared and stupid and I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me for what I have put you through. You don't have to say yes, yet. I'll wait, but please stay here with us."

She couldn't say yes, she wanted to, but something held her back, it was all too much.  In the end she agreed to move back in and she knew in her heart that she would forgive him. She just needed a little time to breath first.

Two short years  later she was meeting her groom for their little park wedding.  Blake and Dawson were there of course, unfortunately Elijah's father could only be there in spirit, he passed away just 4 months before the wedding.  She missed the old man, she enjoyed his company, and in every way she wouldn't be there if it hadn't been for him, didn't seem right that he wasn't there. They had bought the land and built the park in his memory, donating it to the city.

Elijah gazed into his bride's eyes, sparkling with un-shed tears, hearing the murmurs of family and friends gathered around them. It was  a far cry from his last wedding when they had run off secretly to say their vows.

  As they said the vows they each wrote for one another there didn't seem to be a dry eye in the park.   The day was beautiful, neither Elijah nor his new bride, Paris could ask for anymore, so they were shocked when they received a surprise honeymoon to Paris, France as a wedding gift from Elijah's siblings.    His siblings seemed to think that a girl conceived in Paris, named after Paris, should spend at least a few days in Paris!

They arrived in Paris two days after their marriage, after so long travelling he didn't know how he would have the energy for their wedding night, but he had every intention of finding it!  She came out of their hotel bathroom wearing nothing but her corset, and he knew right then, adrenaline was most definitely his friend!  As he lay her down on the bed, he looked down at her, amazed that she was really his, and amazed that he had almost thrown such an amazing woman away!

He loved watching her as they toured through her namesake city, the Museum delighted her, and he couldn't help smiling as her child like enthusiasm for each piece of art work bubbled out of her.

They tried to do it all while they were there, museums, wineries, outdoor cafe's.  If it was a popular cliche for Paris they made a point of doing it.  They both fell in love with the cuisine, he found, much to his surprise, he even loved frog legs when it was cooked in Paris!



He took her shopping for souvenirs, both of them making sure they had something special to give the boys when they returned home.

Two weeks into their stay things took a turn for the worse, Paris began feeling ill, and soon it seemed she couldn't hold anything down.  They ended up in a French hospital and there they found they were going to become parents again.  Neither of them could think of a better ending to their honeymoon!

Chapter 20

She knew it was wrong, you don't start an affair with your employer, Nanny 101 teaches you that much.  She hadn't intended for it to ever go where it had, she hadn't meant to fall in love with him.  Nothing prepared her for that morning when he threw her out of his house.

Maybe throw was too harsh of a word, but he couldn't get rid of her quick enough.  In the weeks and months she spent with the family, she saw Elijah hiding away, afraid of life, afraid of the pain, shutting himself off from the world, from his son.  Her only intention had been to bring him back to his son, for Blake.  The boy needed his dad, and she had talked enough to Blake's grandpa to know that Elijah needed his son.  Now she had spoiled it all, who knows what kind of damage she had done to Blake putting herself in a situation that had to end like this.

 Now here she was, out of work and humiliated.  She seriously doubted she could get a decent reference from Elijah now, nor did she feel she deserved it.  Paris didn't know what she was going to do, but whatever it was, she better get on it, her savings wouldn't last long.
In the end being a nanny was what she knew best, so she started her own daycare.  She used the last of her savings to buy a small two bedroom house and furnish it as a play haven for the children she would care for.

It was two months later when she received the final blow from her affair, she was pregnant.  She knew immediately who the father was of course, and she also knew she would never tell him. There was little she could do, so she continued on, as she battled morning sickness and fatigued she somehow muddled through each day caring for her little charges.

He didn't know anymore what he was doing.  He couldn't quit thinking of her, couldn't seem to focus on anything.  He could handle his son well enough on his own now, but somehow their life seemed incomplete, the house empty.

His sister had told him about the new Daycare in town, said she had heard it was getting glowing reports, children were well cared for, happy, and the lady in charge of it all seemed to really care about each child she accepted.

He knew he needed just a bit of quiet time, and so he decided to try it out.  He really hated leaving Blake with a stranger, but he was weeks behind on his latest book and the publisher was calling daily wanting to know when it would be finished. As he stood outside the modest home where he was prepared to leave his son for the day, he soothed his conscience by telling himself it was just temporary, until the book was finished.

Nothing could have prepared him for seeing her, he should have known, somehow, he should have made the connection, new daycare, fabulous caregiver, who else could it have been, but still he was dumbfounded when she answered the door.

 It wasn't until she had turned to let him in that he noticed the bump, she was pregnant!
He left Blake with her, he was too shocked to do anything else and went home, but he got little writing done that day.  When was she going to tell him?  Was she planning on ever telling him?  He had a right to know if she was pregnant with his baby!  Whose to say it was his though, maybe she had other men.

As soon as the thought came in his head he knew it was wrong, she just wasn't like that.  He didn't know what to do, he knew what he wanted to do, but could he, would she even consider it after the way he treated her?

She felt like the air had been sucked out of the room, she wasn't sure how she was suppose to carry on with her day, everything around her had grown darker.  How could he have that affect on her still, after all he had put her through!  She tried to shake it off and carry on, but the rest of the day was a bust, she just couldn't get back in the game, couldn't focus on anything.  How was she going to face him when he picked Blake up?

It turned out she needn't have worried about it, he sent over a relative to pick up Blake it was all very professional and impersonal, and left her feeling chilled.  She didn't get much sleep that night,  her dreams haunted by images of Elijah and Blake, images that she had no right to even dream of.

Elijah didn't return with Blake and soon routine set in and she was able to breath and even live a bit.  She was nine months pregnant when the phone call came.  "  Please don't hang up, I know I have no right to ever talk to you again Paris, I know what happened, what I did, it was wrong.  I want to make this all right, can we just talk? Please, Paris, I made a mistake."

She wasn't sure what to say, for weeks she had dreamed of this, and now it was happening, and she didn't know how she felt. " I don't know Elijah, you were never suppose to find out, what we did, it was a mistake. I don't want anything from you."  Except your never ending love, she thought in the back of her mind.  " Paris, please just meet me for dinner so we can talk, and then if you want me to leave you alone, I can respect that, I won't like it, but I can respect it."

She wasn't strong enough to say no twice to him, "Meet me at the Cafe on the corner of Main street, Saturday at 3?"  Afternoon was good, it wasn't romantic, it was casual she thought, and since it was only Monday, it gave her a few days to gather her thoughts before she had to face him. " I'll be there Paris, and I'm sorry, for everything."

She stood in her kitchen with the phone in her head, the dial tone had long since changed to a busy signal.
This can't be happening, this can't be real, played a continuous loop in her head.  A ripping pain through her midsection pulled her out of her dreams, doubling her over in agony.

Elijah waited at the Cafe until the sun had long set, and the last of the patrons had left.  "Sir, we are closing, I'm really sorry."  He knew he shouldn't have expected it, he didn't deserve her, but still the sting of being stood up burned in his heart.  Head hung low he began to make his way home.

He didn't know how he ended up outside her house, he had drove around town until the sun began rising again and somehow his bike had brought him there without his knowledge, he noticed the windows were all dark.  "I should go home,"  maybe saying out loud would be enough to stop his feet from taking him up the walkway,

 "She doesn't want to see me."  Still it wasn't enough to stop him from knocking on her door.  "She's sleeping, I should just leave."

As he turned to go a taxi pulled up to the curb and he watched her carefully getting out. " Elijah? What are you doing here?  I'm sorry, I didn't mean to stand you up,  I started having contractions and,"  Elijah slowly took in what he was seeing, she had the baby, his baby was there in her arms.

"It's a boy, I had a boy, his name is Dawson, I hope you like the name, but I guess it probably doesn't matter if you don't like it, I mean you don't ever have to see him again."  She babbled on as she walked up to the house and into the nursery, continued without taking a breath as she laid the baby in a crib.

She turned around he grabbed her and pulled her too him, pressing his lips against hers, not gently, but not rough, firm and purposeful, slowly claiming her mouth with his.  " Paris, would you just shut up for a minute.  Since I met you, you have been pushing things the way you think they ought to be, but not this time, this time, things are going to go the way I want them.  I love you Paris, I loved you before that night, I knew it then, and I know it now.  I threw you away because I was scared of losing you, I thought it would be easier, but I was wrong.  Please come home with me and Blake, he should be with his little brother, and you should be with me."

She fainted, he had never pegged her for a fainter, but that is exactly what she did, and he saw his chance.

When she came too she was tucked safely in his bed, their son nestled in a bassinet next to her.

Chapter 19

He tried his hardest in the next two weeks to ignore the nanny but she made it damn hard to do so, seemed she was constantly bringing Blake out into the living area, and sometimes he wondered if she wasn't doing it on purpose! She even decided the living room was the perfect place to teach him to walk!  It wasn't that he didn't love his son, he did very much, but he looked so much like his Mama that it hurt to look at him, and he didn't think he could take that kind of pain.

Two weeks later she announced that Saturday morning that they were ready to go to the park with him, and a short walk, or long walk...that is exactly where he found himself.  Paris suggested he take Blake over to ride on the animal springs and before he knew it Elijah was having as much fun as Blake.  He had forgotten how good it felt to laugh!

After that week it seemed every time Elijah turned around she was ushering them all out of the house for one of her "outings"  he never knew where it would take them, there were movies to watch, games to go cheer for, quiet lake picnics.  One thing he did know, he could never be properly morose when he was on them, somehow he always ended up smiling, and by God he even sang Wheels on the Bus with her to Blake's delight!

 Elijah didn't know what was happening, but each day it seemed a little easier to get out of bed, and every day it seemed he felt more and more the desire to spend time with his son, even something as simple as playing with his block with him brought a smile to both their faces.

Somehow in between caring for Blake, and writing books she managed to wiggle her way into his life.  First it was simply him joining her for dinner each night, or a nice walk with her and Blake around the neighborhood. Soon he found himself seeking her out for opinions on his latest book.  More and more she became a part of his life.

It all started innocently enough, a simple pillowfight...nothing romantic in that, how was he suppose to know how it would end up...

With her in his arms, and his lips pressed against hers, it felt so right then, so amazing like a wall had fallen around his heart and sunlight was flooding into his very soul.

The next morning the feeling was gone, and dread replaced it, what had he done, why had he thought he should do that, it was the last thing he needed in his life.  Love hurt, especially when it died, and he didn't think he could ever stand a hurt like that again.  She was going to have to go, that was all there was to it, she had to leave.  He could take care of his son himself.

She had gotten out of bed that morning unsure of everything, he had already been firmly planted at the computer to avoid as much awkwardness as possible.
He didn't waste time, as soon as he noticed she was awake he broke the news, " You're umm, services, are not longer required, I'm sorry Paris, but well I'm ready to raise Blake myself, and what happened last night, it was a mistake, it's not fair to keep you here or let you think that it will ever happen again. "

He watched her face fall,   "I see, well I would say that I'm glad I could be of service, but it would be a lie.  I'm glad you are ready to care for Blake though, that much I am glad of.  I'll just pack my stuff and be out of here by this afternoon."

He stood there as she walked to the waiting taxi, and wondered why it seemed a cloud had fallen over their house. "She's just the nanny, nothing else, and we don't need her to be happy!"

Chapter 18

She was adorable, Malachi had to admit that much, she was absolutely the cutest little thing, and the bigger she got with his grandchild, the cuter she was! She was everything Elijah's mother had never been it seemed, she cared about everyone, was funny, and sweet.

It seemed that having a grandchild was more then Holly could bear, she left one night, just like that, picked a fight with him and announced she had enough, packed up and was out of their life for good.  Malachi received the divorce papers a few weeks later, and happily signed them, she never contacted any of them again.

 He wasn't sorry, in fact he was pretty damn sure they were all better off without her.  Still watching his new daughter-in-law waddle around he wondered why that couldn't have been him, why his wife couldn't have been like that.

They brought home their new son, Blake, not to shouts of victory, but somber silence.  The delivery hadn't gone as planned and he had been delivered by c-section, it was then the doctors found the masses on Blair's ovaries.  They had removed the ovaries there on the table and sent the growths off for testing.  The diagnosis was grim.  The doctor told them Blair didn't have long.

 As she walked into the nursery to lay her son down he watched her, and something inside him couldn't believe it, nothing about her looked like a dying woman.  He wasn't going to lose his soul mate so soon after starting their life together.

Blake wasn't even four months old when he lost his mother, she had went peacefully in her sleep, and even in death she had looked so much like the angel both Elijah and Malachi would always believe she was.  Elijah wanted to scream at her as she lay in the coffin to get up and care for her baby, it couldn't be this way, she couldn't leave him alone, she was his happy ending!  She didn't get up and in the end she joined his grandfather and grandmother in their family Mausoleum, and he became a single father overnight.

He didn't deal with her loss well, instead he buried himself in his books, barely coming up for food or sleep, barely even noticing his son growing up without him.  He never left the house, and rarely spoke to anyone.  He slept alone, ate alone, surrounded by family and still lonely.  Malachi didn't know what to do to help him, he couldn't fathom a way out of the hole his son had sunk into.

Age was creeping up on Malachi and he finally had to admit that he just didn't have the energy to raise his active grandson alone anymore, he decided that it was time to hire a live-in Nanny. He interviewed  the applicants himself to make sure he chose the perfect match for Blake, in the end he was certain he had.

"Will you kindly put that blasted instrument up! I am trying to work here!"  She had been playing and singing that stupid guitar for over an hour and he had enough, if he had to hear her sing the wheels on the bus one more time he was going to choke the living hell out of the girl!  "What in Blasts name are you doing here? Who the hell are you?"

The girl put the guitar down and looked at Elijah with a smile.  " Well you're a right fine one aren't you Mr. St. John, I've been working here now for over a week, and you never even noticed!  I'm your son's Nanny, my names Paris, a man should know who is taking care of his son, don't you think?  You're father hired me."

"A nanny? Why in hell's name do we need a nanny? And what kind of name is Paris?"  Elijah was furious, how could his father hand over the care of Blake to a stranger without even telling him! "It seems that your father is feeling a bit worn down from trying to keep up with Blake, and it's no wonder, the boy has more energy then a hive of bees. Now if his father, that would be you ,correct Mr. St. John? If his father wasn't so busy then perhaps he would have the energy for keeping up with his son. As for my name, well it's the kind of name parents give their daughter, when she was conceived in the city of Love."

Elijah's blood was boiling, his face flushed red at the innuendo that he wasn't Blake's father, " You know I'm his father, so you can just stop with that nonsense now!  I do help, it's just a bit frantic right now, trying to meet my newest deadline for the book I'm writing, but once that's done then I will have time."

The girl smiled, she couldn't be laughing at him! "I will hold you to that promise Mr. St. John, now when is your deadline?"   The nerve she had, " Two weeks, the deadline is in two weeks!"  he was seriously thinking he would like to throttle the girl right there, " Very good, maybe we can take a trip to the park to celebrate your completion of the book on time, I think Blake would like that very much!

It's a date then Saturday, in two weeks, we will all have a wonderful picnic in the park."  With that she turned around, lifting Blake from the floor, and headed towards the kitchen.  Elijah was left scratching his head, how did she manage to do that?